leagueoflethargy #2 – Making meals

February 10th, 2010

We’re back with the League of Lethargy round 2! As soon as I posted the blog for round 1, I knew what round 2 would be.

Lazy Meals

This is a goldmine of truly lazy twatty behaviour of which I am a firm believer. So the question was proffered:

“What is the laziest meal you have ever made? #leagueoflethargy“

I of course gave my best example

“Mine is a canned hot dog and spaghetti hoop sandwich. It was an awful awful thing.”

And the answers were a deluge, observe

the_incredulous  cuppa soup with cous-cous in. called chunk chicken soup. And pasta with butter and soy.
mergyeugnau: Soymilk drunk from the carton for your protein/hydration/CFS needs.
BearNoiz: Cheese… Id say pickled beetroot from the jar but that requires getting a fork & opening the jar
kirtle: Breadsticks and philadelphia.
wisecur: Laziest Meal : Beans on Toast…..Just un-toasted bread & open cold beans on it.
jendinary: cereals.
EthanRunt: I once made a burger that slouched next to me on the sofa, that’s a pretty lazy meal.
mikehjapan: ketchup in a bowl #leagueoflethargy
euzie: I used to just pour milk into Variety packs of cereal and drink it all on the way into town
atlasbagshaw: Cheese toasties for every meal for four days. Didn’t have one again for 2 years after that.
Theoutdoortypes: Pasta with butter. Not as nice as it sounds
OneInchMan:  Uncooked, dried spaghetti dipped in marmite.
euzie:  Pasta and Ketchup
kezbat: does having crisps for breakfast count? Big night out, didn’t go home, only had 60p left…
cripesonfriday: Oh, I once microwaved noodles, and poured a hot cup a soup over them to make noodle soup.Not great, not at all great.
NickMB: It’s a toss-up between ‘handful of rice’ and ‘glass of water’.
Sifter: a Creme Egg
stueymac71: Dry cereal, really couldn’t be arsed to add the milk #leagueoflethargy
cripesonfriday: I shook the toaster over a slice of bread once, didn’t even butter the bread. #leagueofletharg

the_incredulous: cuppa soup with cous-cous in. called chunk chicken soup. And pasta with butter and soy.

mergyeugnau: Soymilk drunk from the carton for your protein/hydration/CFS needs.

BearNoiz: Cheese… Id say pickled beetroot from the jar but that requires getting a fork & opening the jar

kirtle: Breadsticks and philadelphia.

wisecur: Laziest Meal : Beans on Toast…..Just un-toasted bread & open cold beans on it.

jendinary: cereals.

EthanRunt: I once made a burger that slouched next to me on the sofa, that’s a pretty lazy meal.

mikehjapan: ketchup in a bowl

euzie: I used to just pour milk into Variety packs of cereal and drink it all on the way into town

atlasbagshaw: Cheese toasties for every meal for four days. Didn’t have one again for 2 years after that.

Theoutdoortypes: Pasta with butter. Not as nice as it sounds

OneInchMan:  Uncooked, dried spaghetti dipped in marmite.

euzie:  Pasta and Ketchup

kezbat: does having crisps for breakfast count? Big night out, didn’t go home, only had 60p left…

cripesonfriday: Oh, I once microwaved noodles, and poured a hot cup a soup over them to make noodle soup.Not great, not at all great.

NickMB: It’s a toss-up between ‘handful of rice’ and ‘glass of water’.

Sifter: a Creme Egg

stueymac71: Dry cereal, really couldn’t be arsed to add the milk

cripesonfriday: I shook the toaster over a slice of bread once, didn’t even butter the bread.

This game never fails to disappoint :)

*Edit*

Because I’m rubbish I missed a comment from the lovely sylviegreen69 which is

“Get husband to phone order, pay at the door and bring you take out…”

This reminds me of the ideal way to order pizza. You need

  • A Nintendo Wii with internet access
  • A debit card
  • A sofa next to an open ground floor window

Order the pizza from a reputable online pizza delivery service (I suggest papajohns.co.uk) using the Wiimote so you only need to move on arm. Then when the pizza arrives and they knock the door, make a noise of hunger out of the window and get them to pass it down to you. Don’t tip.


Posted in Curiosity, Madness | 2 Comments »

‘Taste the Difference’ Spam #1 – The Farting Cat

February 4th, 2010

I often get spam comments on my blog posts and occasionally you get one that is just brilliant, any gooduns I get I’ll post on here with under the ‘Taste The Difference’ Spam brand. Here goes!

“What the… you will not belief this. This stupid cat simply farted on my knee!? I mean what is the matter with that!? I feed that thing and I end up with this in return. I still will not belief this. Anyway, you have quite a few useful information there in your post. I knew Google will bring me to a few fascinating stuff today :). Alright must hunt this pet now! Have a great time you all!”

This comes from the “user” using the handle, Bedroom Furniture.

Posted in Spam Comments | No Comments »

The Destruction of the Schmeichel Goalkeeper Top

January 30th, 2010

I’ve been listening to a brilliant football podcast called The Football Ramble and they run a feature on funny footballing stories. I’ve submitted this one from when I was a widdle thing and thought it’d be a good idea to blog it too, Enjoy!

This is a story about how I destroyed a friends goalkeeper top when I was a weeun.

There was a big field in the middle of the suburban estate on which we all lived, circled by the back fences of the enclosing houses. All the kids would gather and play football, more often than not smash the ball against their fences, they presumably loved it.

One guy in particular was this large Italian chap who didn’t particularly care for us smashing his fence to bits everyday. So when the ball inevitably went over his fence he would very much enjoy not giving it back. Though one day he was shouting at us over the fence and a friend of mine sang the lyric “Golden brown, texture like sun” and he shouted back, “Yeah! Golden Brown!” and threw the ball back. I digress.

A friend of mine had a Man Utd goalkeeper top with Schmeichel on it. This was back in the early premiership years when Utd were unstoppable. For a reason I don’t remember I was wearing it and we were playing hide & seek.

A prime spot was hiding in the Italian man’s garden and I had disguised myself there. I climbed onto his fence (about 6 foot high) and sat on top to survey the surroundings. A momentary loss of balance caused me to slip from the fence catching the top on a jagged edge. I heard a horrible tear and I was left hanging like some hoisted cartoon villain. The head hole had come to the front and I was there with my face poking out unable to get down.

Besides being caught out I’d also ruined my mates favourite top. Ah well he was a United fan and so could obviously afford it.

Posted in Me | No Comments »

leagueoflethargy #1 – Stirring Tea

January 29th, 2010

People carp on about how twitter is an agent for social change and all that stuff, but I recently discovered it has an even more important purpose

To bring together individuals capable of fantastic feats of lethargy

My process when using twitter is to pretty much tweet out any silly idea that pops into my head. I think it’s too much for some people and I can’t begrudge them unfollowing me.

Anyway, I was making a cup of tea and to my horror I discovered there were no clean teaspoons. I could have washed one but anyone who knows me knows that’s the last thing I want to do. I eventually resorted to using a tablespoon, I was so proud.

So proud I was that I immediately scuttled upstairs and tweeted

“You can’t call yourself a slob till you’ve stirred your tea with a table spoon.”

I gotta couple of replies and I realised I had poked a rich vein of fun, so I asked the question

“Ok I seem to have poked a wasps nest here. Whats the worst thing you’ve stirred a cup of tea with?”

Then the torrent began, I quote:

wisecur: That’s not slobbish try using house keys.
jendinary: i’ve also eaten cereal w/ a teaspoon.
minuferdows: ill see your table spoon and raise you a fork (and once a knife..)
jendinary: oh, i’ve done that. should i be proud or ashamed? not sure.
Ironthighs: I once stirred my tea with a Bic biro.
cripesonfriday: I only eat cereal with a teaspoon
sylviegreen69: Ive drank one out of a gravy boat.
OneInchMan: pens, lighters whatever is to hand and, if all else fails, the suck/spit method of mixing tea and milk is always there
mooseymoose29: you are all gonna lose when I call you out with an eye liner pencil…
sylviegreen69: Ive eaten cereal out of a pan.
Ironthighs: My husband would like you to know that he once used a comb to stir his tea. Someone else’s comb.
mooseymoose29: oh and I forgot the used ice lolly stick…
minuferdows: I may have also used a chop stick once…
skoravensis: Well, when camping in Le Mans I’ve used: plastic shard from abadoned garden chair, twig,bit off the side of a cow shed…
DanielNothing: Pen salways eems pretty mingin’.
missgembles: a REALLY grubby pencil
kassy4:: a pen, ink side down
each1teach1: Pure physics. (Held it in my hand and just shook really hard)
missgembles: Also, the pointy end of a 60cm set square. And a stick of celery.
njhamer: Fingers. Not mine.
quii: I want to use my cock just so i can win at being most disgusting. Despite pain repercussions.
cripesonfriday: I once stirred the tea with the tea bag
TimRobberts:: A twig, someone elses finger, Wacom pen, definitely a few biros and *undisclosed*. (champion)
teawithlemon: i tend to use the handle if i ever stir with a fork/tablespoon, knife etc
zevans23: Unwashed finger during car fettling is always a good one.
NickMB: I’ve used my fingers a couple of times and just ignored the pain. When there’s no cutlery anywhere useful.
wisecur: That’s not slobbish try using house keys.

jendinary: i’ve also eaten cereal w/ a teaspoon.

minuferdows: ill see your table spoon and raise you a fork (and once a knife..)

Ironthighs: I once stirred my tea with a Bic biro.

cripesonfriday: I only eat cereal with a teaspoon

sylviegreen69: Ive drank one out of a gravy boat.

OneInchMan: pens, lighters whatever is to hand and, if all else fails, the suck/spit method of mixing tea and milk is always there

mooseymoose29: you are all gonna lose when I call you out with an eye liner pencil…

sylviegreen69: Ive eaten cereal out of a pan.

Ironthighs: My husband would like you to know that he once used a comb to stir his tea. Someone else’s comb.

mooseymoose29: oh and I forgot the used ice lolly stick…

minuferdows: I may have also used a chop stick once…

skoravensis: Well, when camping in Le Mans I’ve used: plastic shard from abadoned garden chair, twig,bit off the side of a cow shed…

DanielNothing: Pen salways eems pretty mingin’.

missgembles: a REALLY grubby pencil

kassy4:: a pen, ink side down

each1teach1: Pure physics. (Held it in my hand and just shook really hard)

missgembles: Also, the pointy end of a 60cm set square. And a stick of celery.

njhamer: Fingers. Not mine.

quii: I want to use my cock just so i can win at being most disgusting. Despite pain repercussions.

cripesonfriday: I once stirred the tea with the tea bag

TimRobberts: A twig, someone elses finger, Wacom pen, definitely a few biros and *undisclosed*. (champion)

teawithlemon: i tend to use the handle if i ever stir with a fork/tablespoon, knife etc

zevans23: Unwashed finger during car fettling is always a good one.

NickMB: I’ve used my fingers a couple of times and just ignored the pain. When there’s no cutlery anywhere useful.

Ah what fun. I shouldn’t be surprised, the best stories always come from people recounting what has happened to them over the years. Skinbro asked a while back for people to say the lamest and coolest things that has happened to you, it was an absolute joy to read.

So I’ve had a little idea. Every now and then (I say this so I can forget it for a while and not break a promise) I’ll ask twitter question on topics that unify us in our laziness with the hashtag #leagueoflethargy then I’ll blog it here like I have above, could be a laugh.

Posted in Twitter | 1 Comment »

The Power of ‘ma’

January 21st, 2010

For quite some time I have taken to adding ma’s into the middle of words to make them sillier. The one I use the most is

‘congratumalations’

It’s great! Sounds better and underlines a core daftness I like to lace my entire life with.

I think it’s genesis came from the Simpsons and Homer’s adorable pronunciation of the phrase ‘Saxophone’ or as he calls it ‘Saxomaphone’. It was really nailed home in this little exchange between him and a diddy Lisa

Homer: So, what do you like, Lisa? Vio-ma-lin? Tuba-ma-ba? Oboe-mo-boe?

Lisa: [pointing] That one! [Lisa's adorable little digit points up to a beautiful new baritone sax.]

Homer: Oh…saxo-ma-phone. [reads price tag] Two hundred dollars?!

Another one I like a lot is ‘investimagate’. It implies investigating with your tongue out, digging around in a toybox to emerge with playdoh in your hair.

On initial investimagation it seems to work best with 4 syllable words. I can think of a few examples now of good words improved by the addition of a ma

  • Communimacation
  • Pornomagraphy
  • Mandamatory
  • Oblimagation
  • Unbearamable

I’d love to hear people’s suggestions, 4 syllable words are a good start but there’s gotta be more diverse ones.  Come, share with me the power of ma, We know it is formidamable.

Posted in Curiosity | 4 Comments »

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