I am mounting a startling body of evidence showing just how lazy people can be. I would write em all down but I can’t be bothered, but I can’t. Maybe I could print it out.

Here lies the nature of this installment of the League of Lethargy. The key word is

Technology

Again I was skeptical as to how many people would go for it, but I’m starting to learn in one of a merry band of lazy buggers. So I asked

“How ya you used technology to aid your laziness?”

The genesis of this idea was, as always, inspired by my own feats of idleness

“During university I had a kettle, toaster and mini fridge in my room so I didn’t have to go downstairs”

CodeNameSommers: I just used the lift down here just to avoid stepping around some stuff that was at the top of the stairs

Theoutdoortypes: Lying in bed I used Shazam on my iPhone to find out what was playing on the computer next to me.

FliesOpen: What’s the time?

Twistedlilkitty: I’ve tweeted for someone to ring my phone because I couldn’t be arsed to look for it

britswitch:  I’ve txtd people who are sat in the same room as me

kev_d: I’ve streamed content online because I’m too lazy to get up and put the disc I paid for into the PS3 to watch on TV.

Twistedlilkitty: I worked in a lab that had no windows, I’d use a web cam on O’Connell street to check if it was raining

jhaywardbenzal: phoning any1 in the house who’s up to get a cuppa so I can stay in bed.

Cautivo: Most of my lounge is taken up by 3-socket multiplugs daisy-chained together as I cba to go out and buy 1 big one

hinjowarwi: Used LogMeIn on laptop to remotely control pc that was in the same room as couldn’t reach the keyboard

each1teach1: A complex array of bluetooth mice, keyboards, remotes & xbmc mean I seldom leave my bed for work or play

specialdelia: I skyped my friend once to ask her which outfit I should wear because I couldn’t be bothered to take a selection round

NickMB: A major reason for my new smartphone is so I can tweet from my bed rather than having to sit up.

TheFagCasanova: I text the missus whilst she’s out, asking where things are in the flat, rather than looking for them.

webstl: Kinda anti-technology  , I used a ten foot bamboo pole to change channels when I lost my remote control

moogyboobles: . I’ve been known to tweet Jon from upstairs asking for a cup of tea

euzie: at 10, i screwed wire hooks either side of my 4 tv buttons, and pulled the wires from my bed as a remote

BobbyLooga: I can’t be doing with the hassle of changing lightbulbs so I use my phone screen to illuminate my way

unslugged: I bought a laptop because I can’t be arsed to go upstairs and use the PC when the telly’s on

So there we go. The League of Lethargy strikes again. I’m building my own private army of lazy JC Dentons.

(If you don’t know who JC Denton is, play Deus Ex)

This one took a little more rummaging in the Think Tank Toybox to find but I got there eventually. This time around I decided I would quiz the league of lethargy about

Money

I was a bit wary about how many people would go for this, surely when money was involved laziness has no dominion. I asked

“How has laziness cost you money?”

I’m no saint here of course, these things usually sprout from something stupid I’ve done. Kinda makes this whole process a self validatory thing but never mind. My shining example was

“I once left a mobile phone contract uncancelled for 18 months because I was too lazy to cancel it. It cost me roughly £280.”

My caution proved completely unfounded (as per usual) and I watched as the wasted money gathered in a metaphorical pile.

Mo_Jesus: Due to a fuck up with rooms at our wedding (in 2008), we’re entitled to a free night at the hotel. We still haven’t used it

BobbyLooga: I have a £10 Woolworth’s voucher somewhere. Had it for about 8 yrs. Useless now. Got an M&S one somewhere

profanityswan: My wife pays about £60 a month to a gym that she NEVER goes to. Boils my piss it does.

BryceElder: Just remembered: took insurance with a mortgage on a house that was already insured. Sold house 5yrs later. Cost: ~£4000.

siansparkles: bout £60. Forgot to cancel subscription to pathetic on-line dating site. Went on one hideous date before I hid my profile.

skoravensis: I’ve frequently replaced films that I know are in the loft, but can’t be arsed to get. Six copies of Episode IV to date.

Mrs_Kensington: We moved 1/2 a mile further from the gym then only went 4 times in 18 months. £1296 wasted £324 a workout

TheFagCasanova: I often buy pies from the supermarket. Baulk at the cooking time and so order a takeaway.

euzie: i didnt go to see My Bloody Valentine’s reunion shows at the roundhouse, despite having tickets

BobbyLooga: I’ve probably dropped £50k in lost earnings after an incident in ‘93 when I couldn’t be arsed to wear a tie.

DarkBeige: just want to add that right now i have a vacuum i hired for £20 a day. too lazy to return it b4 work on mon tue & today

pEarl117: once sold a car for £2500 cash which I couldn’t be bothered to bank, that cash got frittered rather quickly

britswitch: I bought pack lunch box and flask to save money on lunch. Total cost about £50. I still buy lunch.

webstl: I didnt return a DVD to the shop. it was a day late. A month later I got a letter from the shops solicitor demanding £78.90, or to court I go. The DVD was VAN Helsing.

TheFagCasanova: I’m owed nearly £2000 in income tax. Claiming it includes filling out a 9 page form. I’ll never do it.

pinkytheflorist: I still have my old car insured, complete with 9yrs NCB that could be on my new one, cos I CBA to clean and sell it

DanielNothing: I also agree with the guy who said he couldn’t be bothered to collet debts. I must be owed over a grand by now.

unslugged: Failed to sign up to employer pension 3 times. Employer contributes. Prob cost me £20k.

euzie: I once caught a cab from my house, to the cashpoint (to pay for taxi), to the shop to buy milk, and home

euzie: 2 Open Uni modules, 1 full year of college – bailed after first month – total approx £1300

NickMB: Unless it’s a LOT of money, I can never be bothered to collect debts owed to me. Probably shouldn’t admit this on Twitter.

reggington: I have a great staff deal here that I’ve never taken advantage of, could have saved about £200

DanielNothing: If I know a CD/DVD etc is cheaper, but involves a walk/tube ride to another store, i’ll spend the extra to save me the slog

pEarl117: I paid the min payment on a credit card balance of around £1000 for a few years, too lazy to phone up to pay it off…I had the money to pay it off, just couldn’t be bothered. Probably cost me a few hundred in interest.

leeturnerconn: Number one response must be cabs. They just make everything easier and they cost me a fortune.

Theoutdoortypes: I had a gym membership for 18 months and went three times.

Theoutdoortypes: I’m still subscribed to lovefilm.com but I’ve had the same 2 dvds for 2yrs.

BryceElder: Took ESPN to watch 1st game of the season. Haven’t looked at it since. So far, that game has cost me £84.

So there you go. Thousands of pounds lost in the name of a distinct lack of effort and application.

I think an honourable mention needs to go to euzie for the milk taxi debacle, the work of a true oaf.

Lazy Meals

This is a goldmine of truly lazy twatty behaviour of which I am a firm believer. So the question was proffered:

“What is the laziest meal you have ever made? #leagueoflethargy“

I of course gave my best example

“Mine is a canned hot dog and spaghetti hoop sandwich. It was an awful awful thing.”

And the answers were a deluge, observe

the_incredulous: cuppa soup with cous-cous in. called chunk chicken soup. And pasta with butter and soy.

mergyeugnau: Soymilk drunk from the carton for your protein/hydration/CFS needs.

BearNoiz: Cheese… Id say pickled beetroot from the jar but that requires getting a fork & opening the jar

kirtle: Breadsticks and philadelphia.

wisecur: Laziest Meal : Beans on Toast…..Just un-toasted bread & open cold beans on it.

jendinary: cereals.

EthanRunt: I once made a burger that slouched next to me on the sofa, that’s a pretty lazy meal.

mikehjapan: ketchup in a bowl

euzie: I used to just pour milk into Variety packs of cereal and drink it all on the way into town

atlasbagshaw: Cheese toasties for every meal for four days. Didn’t have one again for 2 years after that.

Theoutdoortypes: Pasta with butter. Not as nice as it sounds

OneInchMan:  Uncooked, dried spaghetti dipped in marmite.

euzie:  Pasta and Ketchup

kezbat: does having crisps for breakfast count? Big night out, didn’t go home, only had 60p left…

cripesonfriday: Oh, I once microwaved noodles, and poured a hot cup a soup over them to make noodle soup.Not great, not at all great.

NickMB: It’s a toss-up between ‘handful of rice’ and ‘glass of water’.

Sifter: a Creme Egg

stueymac71: Dry cereal, really couldn’t be arsed to add the milk

cripesonfriday: I shook the toaster over a slice of bread once, didn’t even butter the bread.

This game never fails to disappoint :)

*Edit*

Because I’m rubbish I missed a comment from the lovely sylviegreen69 which is

To bring together individuals capable of fantastic feats of lethargy

My process when using twitter is to pretty much tweet out any silly idea that pops into my head. I think it’s too much for some people and I can’t begrudge them unfollowing me.

Anyway, I was making a cup of tea and to my horror I discovered there were no clean teaspoons. I could have washed one but anyone who knows me knows that’s the last thing I want to do. I eventually resorted to using a tablespoon, I was so proud.

So proud I was that I immediately scuttled upstairs and tweeted

“You can’t call yourself a slob till you’ve stirred your tea with a table spoon.”

I gotta couple of replies and I realised I had poked a rich vein of fun, so I asked the question

“Ok I seem to have poked a wasps nest here. Whats the worst thing you’ve stirred a cup of tea with?”

Then the torrent began, I quote: