People carp on about how twitter is an agent for social change and all that stuff, but I recently discovered it has an even more important purpose
To bring together individuals capable of fantastic feats of lethargy
My process when using twitter is to pretty much tweet out any silly idea that pops into my head. I think it’s too much for some people and I can’t begrudge them unfollowing me.
Anyway, I was making a cup of tea and to my horror I discovered there were no clean teaspoons. I could have washed one but anyone who knows me knows that’s the last thing I want to do. I eventually resorted to using a tablespoon, I was so proud.
So proud I was that I immediately scuttled upstairs and tweeted
“You can’t call yourself a slob till you’ve stirred your tea with a table spoon.”
I gotta couple of replies and I realised I had poked a rich vein of fun, so I asked the question
“Ok I seem to have poked a wasps nest here. Whats the worst thing you’ve stirred a cup of tea with?”
Then the torrent began, I quote:
jendinary: i’ve also eaten cereal w/ a teaspoon.
minuferdows: ill see your table spoon and raise you a fork (and once a knife..)
Ironthighs: I once stirred my tea with a Bic biro.
cripesonfriday: I only eat cereal with a teaspoon
sylviegreen69: Ive drank one out of a gravy boat.
OneInchMan: pens, lighters whatever is to hand and, if all else fails, the suck/spit method of mixing tea and milk is always there
mooseymoose29: you are all gonna lose when I call you out with an eye liner pencil…
sylviegreen69: Ive eaten cereal out of a pan.
Ironthighs: My husband would like you to know that he once used a comb to stir his tea. Someone else’s comb.
mooseymoose29: oh and I forgot the used ice lolly stick…
minuferdows: I may have also used a chop stick once…
skoravensis: Well, when camping in Le Mans I’ve used: plastic shard from abadoned garden chair, twig,bit off the side of a cow shed…
DanielNothing: Pen salways eems pretty mingin’.
missgembles: a REALLY grubby pencil
kassy4:: a pen, ink side down
each1teach1: Pure physics. (Held it in my hand and just shook really hard)
missgembles: Also, the pointy end of a 60cm set square. And a stick of celery.
njhamer: Fingers. Not mine.
quii: I want to use my cock just so i can win at being most disgusting. Despite pain repercussions.
cripesonfriday: I once stirred the tea with the tea bag
TimRobberts: A twig, someone elses finger, Wacom pen, definitely a few biros and *undisclosed*. (champion)
teawithlemon: i tend to use the handle if i ever stir with a fork/tablespoon, knife etc
zevans23: Unwashed finger during car fettling is always a good one.
NickMB: I’ve used my fingers a couple of times and just ignored the pain. When there’s no cutlery anywhere useful.
Ah what fun. I shouldn’t be surprised, the best stories always come from people recounting what has happened to them over the years. Skinbro asked a while back for people to say the lamest and coolest things that has happened to you, it was an absolute joy to read.
So I’ve had a little idea. Every now and then (I say this so I can forget it for a while and not break a promise) I’ll ask twitter question on topics that unify us in our laziness with the hashtag #leagueoflethargy then I’ll blog it here like I have above, could be a laugh.
I can’t believe no one said a stick of Kit-Kat!
Incidentally, a stick of Kit-Kat is also great for eating yoghurt if you’re out of tea spoons!