Boredom at work has brought about some of the best time wasting this country has ever known, but today my friends my good friend NUNBERRY and I have breached the higher eschelons of taking companies money for nothing. As is always the way with these things, it starts with a rap about having poo on your face. I present the PokemonBattleRap (more poetry battle really, but still).
N
got **** all on my face
When’d this fecalamity take place?
shudda stuck wit “Yo’ Wish Is Granted”
I wouldn’t smell, I’d still be safe
But no, I had to be couragous
skippin’ nineteen ****ing pages
except that bit where The_amp killed people
with his intimate mass-ages
I suppose I should add – y’all’s rhymes is whack
and uh…. your mommas suck **** for crack?
Ah **** this, I’m going back to the Pokemon thread
I’m done pretending that I’m black.
Turtwig ‘92, beeeeeyatch!
J
Turtwig? jeeze boy shut the fudge up.
Dat thing don’t got **** on my Piplup.
N
Ha!
yo’ Piplup may like to *front* tough
but weekends, he calls himself the Jigglypuff.
you see him dancin’ tables for a quarter
for 50 cent, he’ll do things I don’t think he oughtta
(at least not with males, that **** is scary!
or with non-breedable legendaries)
J
Piplup’s my first, a decoy as such
but this next pokemon might scare you a touch
he’s big and he’s fat and he’s cool to the max
prepare to get served, i choose you snorlax.
N
I’m gonna give that fat ****
a rude awakening
cause this second choice
will set the ground a-shakening
then he’ll bury yo’ ass in tonnes’a debris and rock
cause his name is geodude and you can suck his granite ****.
J
lets take a look at the choices thus far
it is obvious that yours are clearly sub par
geodude and turtwig…afraid of evolution?
no, not for me, torch him typholsion!
N
Man, you trying to make me laugh my self to death?
He’s an angry rodent with bad breath!
Feraligatr, put them flames out then rip his heart out of his chest.
I cudda sworn you said “evolution”
not “evil vole with mouth polution”
J
Oh you’re so mean, with the big bad croc
But here’s a pokemon that some may mock
She’s big and she’s pink and she sounds like a wuss
Go on Chancey, beat that sour puss (sorry)
This may seem like an ill favoured choice
And before you proclaim that with your thick irish voice
You’ll never beat chancey take it from me
This is because she has 4 jillion HP.
N
I got a cure for all that health
One most leave dust-gath’rin’ on the shelf
My buck-toothed first-gen friend Rattatta
‘ll squash you’re Chancey like a Tomat-ta (ouch)
Hit him hard? Hell, he’ll bounce back :
Endure ! Endeavour! Quick Attack!
Not so smart now, eh MixMaster?
Ever seen a bitch lie down faster?
J
Nostalgia I see, I can dig that
I gotta choice that’ll bum that crap rat
The first choice of Ash, the little ball of fluff
But I’m afraid that pikachu is not powerful enough
But when he evolves, you won’t know what to do
Get ready robut. Kick his ass Raichu!
N
With all them lightning bolts you hurl
Methinks your confidence’s ill-founded
Ain’t you played diamond yet? or Pearl?
Don’t you know Gastrodon is grounded?
Raichu’ll wish he never faced it
You got one pokeball left – don’t waste it.
J
Ive been saving the best for my final stroke.
And because your such a nice bloke.
I’m gonna pick an unbalanced pokemon that none can beat.
I don’t really care if you call me a cheat.
This psychic monster entombed for 20 years or more
Only accessible when you beat the elite four.
As he approaches he predicts the end for you.
bye my friend, destroy him Mewtwo.
But wait, what the hell is going on?
Oh **** now I know what I’ve done!
No no no this isn’t good at all
It seems I chose the wrong ball
It’s about now I should say oh ****
Because I just summoned ****ing Psyduck.
N
Well that ain’t no kinda fight and you ain’t no kinda trainer
shudda stuck to the less demanding thrills of “Pokemon Ranger”
I’m kinda feeling sorry that your little friend’s in danger
but I’ve chosen my last pokemon – I ain’t about to change her
So you better take cover, you best prepare to retreat back
Have a change of shorts on standby ‘case you current ones you crap
she’s only level 19 now, her evolved powers she might lack
but Magikarp, go show this prick your mother****ing Splash attack.
J
Nun my dear friend, we’ve laid down our cards
and it would seem that we both are retards
with these two battling we could be here all year
might I suggest we leave them to it and go for a beer
and so ladies, gentlemen and general OT gang
this fight didn’t really end with a bang
I think we have shown, through excessive babble
There’s nothing more stupid than a ****ing rap battle.
And so ends another chapter of “How To Waste Time”. Till next time :)
